January 1, 2012 by madmadge
Generally speaking, we regard discomfort in any form as bad news. But for practitioners or spiritual warriors- people who have a hunger to know what is true- feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.
-Pema Chödrön
2011 was a difficult year for me. I had been focused on a dream and was working hard to fulfill it, but was finding that external forces were making this dream difficult to achieve. I blamed myself. I experienced cycles and mixed feelings of disappointment, embarrassment, anger, depression, shame, low self-esteem as well as a good amount of negative self talk. I took a leave of absence from my PhD program to sift through my feelings and to be in an environment where I had the support that I needed. I felt like I had been intensely focused on a goal and a large gust of wind had come and knocked me off my path. I was left on the side of the road, goalless and with no plan.
All of my collaging and mail art has been so helpful to me. It has given me the opportunity to be creative and make art again as well as find a creative community with whom I can share.
Entering into 2012, I will continue making. I feel that I am just beginning to allow myself to see all that the moments of 2011 were teaching me. I have no plan except to be open to going to those uncomfortable places within myself and sitting with them, perhaps even befriending some of them along the way.
peace,
mm