It’s kind of funny. After every recent post, wordpress sends me a a message giving me tips on how to increase my readership. Oh, whatever. Yes, I know that my readership is scant. The ego in me that listens to popular opinion does care about public opinion. The other fluctuating 70% could care less.
So, what have I been up to? I have taken a leave of absence from my PhD program. I am 43 years old. I have lived all over the world and have given my heart to my social justice focused work. I have been the director of a program that many feminists give money to without even questioning. And yet, within my program and university I cannot find an assistantship.
Last spring, when I was at my lowest, a dear friend of mine encouraged me to apply for a part time bilingual position where she worked. If it wasn’t for the deep respect that I have for her, I probably wouldn’t have. But, I am glad that I did. For the record, people who are actually doing social justice work get more points in my book than those that merely talk about it.
Not that I do not still struggle and wonder what my next step will be. I do truly wish that I could be working on my Ph.D. Perhaps I will, but at this point, I hold little hope. I am open to suggestions.
Honestly, all that I want to do after a hard day of trying to ensure housing for someone is journal, make mail art, and cook yummy meals for my female sweetheart. I haven’t even been going to my community’s recent progressive demonstrations even though I believe in them.
As two people that I care about recently said: “I do community service all day. That’s all that I can do. After my eight hours, all I want to do is retreat.”
I have summarized their words in my own, but I doubt that they would disagree.
I have also been working through my feelings. It may take me a year to work through what happened to me in six months.
My collages are moments in this process.
Excerpts from my first brown paper bag book:
Two art journal pages:
Thank you to Michael Franti for his help through this process.